This goes out to all my favorite Ni99as in the world. A Ni99a comes in all colors, ages, genders, and backgrounds. These are just the ones that we all know and love. Enjoy
Da Ni99a dat feels like he has to talk to everyone on speaker phone no matter who is around
Da Ni99a dat pays for everything with a bag of change
Da Ni99a dat is always drunk and fed up with the stuck up women in the clubs You: "Man what's wrong w/ you? MFN: "Man I'm tired of these greedy ass chicks that come to the club and only want a baller, I asked her did she want me to buy her a drink, and she talkin bout 'nah I can't right now I'm with child, Bitch I aint buyin 2 damn drinks!!!
Da Ni99a dat does crack but always manages to get his hands on the newest shit
Da Ni99a dat works at the Black Wendy's that get's mad at you for ordering a "Special Made Sandwich"
Da Ni99a dat always has the New Jordans on but won't pay the $10 cover charge at the bar
Da Ni99a dat gets mad at old people when they walk to slow in front of them
Da Ni99a dat has sex w/ 3 different chicks a week but gets mad at his main chick for having too many male friends on MySpace
Da Ni99a dat was singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T hard as hell in the club, but waited 30 minutes to get in free, waited 20 minutes to get a free drink, then left and got smashed for 10 minutes...you guessed it...for free
Da Ni99a dat no matter what, always has a story that tops the one you just told. You: "Man I knew this dude back in college that jumped off the 2nd floor on campus into the pool, shit was crazy" MFN: Shiiiiiiit, I know this dude that could jump so high, I saw him grab a squirrel out a tree, on my momma!"
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
How????
You know what time it is...Comedy Corner time...enjoy and comment. New Day...same me! I just decided to write about some things I find funny in life.
How a stripper will wipe down the pole with alcohol but will let people throw dirty dollar bills right on their cooch!
How white men won't wash their hands in the bathroom but always want to shake hands when they meet you
How the response to a chick saying, "I'm on my period" used to be "Damn", when you get older the response is "Is it light or heavy?"
How Waffle House took advantage of the fact that poor people eat breakfast at all hours of the day. When was the last time you saw a nice car in the parking lot? I'll wait...
How a chick will get mad when you bust in their mouth, Her: "I said tell me when you are bout to cum. You: "I said...ahhhhhhh!!!"
How they found somebody in NOTORIOUS that looks just like Craig Mack
How older women keep their Carpel Tunnels brace on during sex like, "You goin bowlin after this or somethin?"
How little kids want to come up to you and show you their coloring book, and I'm like, "Man...this shit is gahhhhhbage, you all outside the lines and shit, you need to start over fam!"
How a homeless man can ask for money when he has on an iPod, "Yo, you can sell that and eat for a month"
How some girls still buy Apple Bottom Jeans when they should probably go cop them new Watermelon Bottom Jeans
How if somebody's car breaks down in front of you, you choose to curse them out instead of help!
How some chicks come to the club thinkin they fly and still have baby powder residue in the middle of their chest
How you are reading this at work/library/lab trying not to laugh out loud
How a stripper will wipe down the pole with alcohol but will let people throw dirty dollar bills right on their cooch!
How white men won't wash their hands in the bathroom but always want to shake hands when they meet you
How the response to a chick saying, "I'm on my period" used to be "Damn", when you get older the response is "Is it light or heavy?"
How Waffle House took advantage of the fact that poor people eat breakfast at all hours of the day. When was the last time you saw a nice car in the parking lot? I'll wait...
How a chick will get mad when you bust in their mouth, Her: "I said tell me when you are bout to cum. You: "I said...ahhhhhhh!!!"
How they found somebody in NOTORIOUS that looks just like Craig Mack
How older women keep their Carpel Tunnels brace on during sex like, "You goin bowlin after this or somethin?"
How little kids want to come up to you and show you their coloring book, and I'm like, "Man...this shit is gahhhhhbage, you all outside the lines and shit, you need to start over fam!"
How a homeless man can ask for money when he has on an iPod, "Yo, you can sell that and eat for a month"
How some girls still buy Apple Bottom Jeans when they should probably go cop them new Watermelon Bottom Jeans
How if somebody's car breaks down in front of you, you choose to curse them out instead of help!
How some chicks come to the club thinkin they fly and still have baby powder residue in the middle of their chest
How you are reading this at work/library/lab trying not to laugh out loud
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can wear jeans or dress pants that dont come with belt loops
No man can wear a thumb ring
No man can have his name tattoed in cursive on his arm
No man can throw another man a surprise party
No man can ask another man to help him choose what to wear
No man that wasnt a pimp in the late 70's can own pink socks
No man can use the shampoo bottle for a microphone while singing in the shower
No man can be on Weight Watchers
No man can set his alarm so that he doesnt miss Oprah
No man can giggle when water splashes in your butt while taking a shit
Thank you
No man can wear a thumb ring
No man can have his name tattoed in cursive on his arm
No man can throw another man a surprise party
No man can ask another man to help him choose what to wear
No man that wasnt a pimp in the late 70's can own pink socks
No man can use the shampoo bottle for a microphone while singing in the shower
No man can be on Weight Watchers
No man can set his alarm so that he doesnt miss Oprah
No man can giggle when water splashes in your butt while taking a shit
Thank you
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Education
So I got an idea for a segment from my good friend
(Good lookin Natalie Naomi Robinson, Someone reported her website so I cant plug it, hit her up and she will direct you) telling me to do something to help educate chicks on what we like, dislike, and some other interesting things you may not know about the male species. But you know I'm a little different, so check it out. Fellas don't be too mad I'm giving away some secrets, Ladies ask questions and I will try and answer this time. Comment if ya dig!
Ladies, our testicular area is the warmest part of our body, thats why our hands are always down there, its like holding on to some fresh baked cookies
Ladies, Porn Head (Ex: Slobbing, spitting, noisemaking) makes our joints 2 inches longer
Ladies, we dont ever want to be compared to the last dude, if he was doing so much for you, lets bring his ass back so he can help the both of us out
Ladies, we know we stink after workin out or playin ball A) no need to tell us how we smell B) no need to put your nose up to our clothes and shit like it may smell better the closer it gets to your face
Ladies, saying anything during sex that you heard in a porn movie will make us cum fast. You say, "Don't stop, harder, harder", we hear "Gone head and bust dat nut bruh"
Ladies, we will say yes to anything...if you say it from your knees with a mouth full of children
Ladies, please floss
Ladies, we like going to the strip club because them hoes dont care...and that's awesome...you should try it some time
Ladies, we dont care which dress you wear...so stop asking...our real answer is the one that comes off the easiest
Ladies, we are all for the comfortable attire when kickin it around the house, but the more you come to bed looking like a FULL BAG OF CHIPS, the less likely we are to eat you, "Bet I can eat just one!"
Thank You
(Good lookin Natalie Naomi Robinson, Someone reported her website so I cant plug it, hit her up and she will direct you) telling me to do something to help educate chicks on what we like, dislike, and some other interesting things you may not know about the male species. But you know I'm a little different, so check it out. Fellas don't be too mad I'm giving away some secrets, Ladies ask questions and I will try and answer this time. Comment if ya dig!
Ladies, our testicular area is the warmest part of our body, thats why our hands are always down there, its like holding on to some fresh baked cookies
Ladies, Porn Head (Ex: Slobbing, spitting, noisemaking) makes our joints 2 inches longer
Ladies, we dont ever want to be compared to the last dude, if he was doing so much for you, lets bring his ass back so he can help the both of us out
Ladies, we know we stink after workin out or playin ball A) no need to tell us how we smell B) no need to put your nose up to our clothes and shit like it may smell better the closer it gets to your face
Ladies, saying anything during sex that you heard in a porn movie will make us cum fast. You say, "Don't stop, harder, harder", we hear "Gone head and bust dat nut bruh"
Ladies, we will say yes to anything...if you say it from your knees with a mouth full of children
Ladies, please floss
Ladies, we like going to the strip club because them hoes dont care...and that's awesome...you should try it some time
Ladies, we dont care which dress you wear...so stop asking...our real answer is the one that comes off the easiest
Ladies, we are all for the comfortable attire when kickin it around the house, but the more you come to bed looking like a FULL BAG OF CHIPS, the less likely we are to eat you, "Bet I can eat just one!"
Thank You
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can have a toothy smile while taking a bathroom picture
No man can go out with his clique to the club when all of them have shades on
No man can pull up his shirt sleeve with his teeth
No man can say the phrase..."Ssstop lyyyyyin"
No man can talk to another man while both are at the urinal
No man can stand dick to butt in the club no matter the capacity
No man can say the phrase..."I already got my whole outfit laid out"
No man can say I have to take a Number 1
No man can know the name of his local Chinese Nail Technician
No man can sing the $5 Footlong son
No man can go out with his clique to the club when all of them have shades on
No man can pull up his shirt sleeve with his teeth
No man can say the phrase..."Ssstop lyyyyyin"
No man can talk to another man while both are at the urinal
No man can stand dick to butt in the club no matter the capacity
No man can say the phrase..."I already got my whole outfit laid out"
No man can say I have to take a Number 1
No man can know the name of his local Chinese Nail Technician
No man can sing the $5 Footlong son
Interesting...
Who remembers putting cups in the cupboard upside down to keep the roaches out?
What the fuck is that bitch MIA talkin about on Paper Planes? (Pirates, Skulls, and Bones??)
When is Plies gonna come out and admit that he is Kirk Franklin w/ a grill?
Where are all of the baby pigeons?
Why did you used to have friends that smelled like their house? You know that gentle mix of arms, cheetos, earring backs, and hotdog water?
Who still wears valour suits?
What was the nigga that invented male thongs thinking? "Yea and that part right there goes directly in your ass...yea, dat part right dere!"
When are black people gonna stop paying for shit that costs more than $5 with all change?
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? And where does this bitch get all this money for travel in this economy?
Why was JJ from Goodtimes living in poverty, but decided to take up such an expensive hobby as painting? Probably could've used some of that money to buy shit that mattered, like food, and turtlenecks.
What the fuck is that bitch MIA talkin about on Paper Planes? (Pirates, Skulls, and Bones??)
When is Plies gonna come out and admit that he is Kirk Franklin w/ a grill?
Where are all of the baby pigeons?
Why did you used to have friends that smelled like their house? You know that gentle mix of arms, cheetos, earring backs, and hotdog water?
Who still wears valour suits?
What was the nigga that invented male thongs thinking? "Yea and that part right there goes directly in your ass...yea, dat part right dere!"
When are black people gonna stop paying for shit that costs more than $5 with all change?
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? And where does this bitch get all this money for travel in this economy?
Why was JJ from Goodtimes living in poverty, but decided to take up such an expensive hobby as painting? Probably could've used some of that money to buy shit that mattered, like food, and turtlenecks.
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