Things Your Mom Never Told You... As Told to a 5-yr Old Boy

Im baaaaaack!!!!! Here's some shit I just thought of. Something I like to call ......
THINGS YOUR MOM NEVER TOLD YOU....AS TOLD TO A 5-YR OLD BOY"
Enjoy!

"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp

"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night

"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit

"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up

"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips

"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding

"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick

"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take

"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty

"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going