No man can dig his toes into the carpet while watching TV
No man can go to a fashion show with his "boy"
No man can get "butterflies" when meeting another man...famous or not
No man take cell phone pics and name the album "photoshoot"
No man can own a Snuggie
No man can say.."man the thing I miss most about playing ball, is the locker room"
No man can win a bear at a carnival and keep it
No man can ask another man to meet him for Sushi
No man can be in a bookclub
No man can have any kind of ass ointment in his cabinet
Thank You
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can have an Air Freshener that is Fruit Explosion scented
No man can pull his bare heels out of his shoes while sitting down
No man can say anything bad about a Porn Star
No man can take his son to cheerleading practice
No group of men can have a "Boys Night Out"
No man can ask another man "Yo, what you wearing to the club?"
No man can say "take me to jail, I'm ready to go back"
No man can have letters taller than 1 inch on his jeans
No man can lay out by the pool
No man can have the "Oprah Flap" under his arm
Thank You
No man can pull his bare heels out of his shoes while sitting down
No man can say anything bad about a Porn Star
No man can take his son to cheerleading practice
No group of men can have a "Boys Night Out"
No man can ask another man "Yo, what you wearing to the club?"
No man can say "take me to jail, I'm ready to go back"
No man can have letters taller than 1 inch on his jeans
No man can lay out by the pool
No man can have the "Oprah Flap" under his arm
Thank You
Thursday, June 18, 2009
TylerDirtonTV: True Stories Vol II
TylerDirtonTV: True Stories Vol. 2 from Tyler Dirton on Vimeo.
Enjoy
And before you go, check out my Snack Pack Improv Comedy Groups cool swag for sale by clicking the link below!!
http://www.cafepress.com/t
Monday, June 15, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can suck his teeth and say..."Ugghh...I hate the Lakers, they always win"
No man can say, "I wonder if Shannon Brown is related to Chris, every time I see one I think about the other"
No man can say..."I just don't like Kobe because he is arrogant"...news flash. He is worth 100's of millions of dollars...think about how arrogant you get when you get fresh haircut
No man can say..."Even his puppet is arrogan"
No man can own a Lakers bedroom set
No man can say..."Dang...they foulin Dwight Howard everytime, I know he got big shoulders and all, but damn"
No man can talk shit about Kobe's daughters' outfits after the game (No matter how Mexican it was)
No man can wear Laker's flip flops without socks
No man can say..."Man Andrew Bynum got a high butt"
No man can say that the Lakeshow aint the shit!!!
INGLEWOOD 310 LAKESHOW ALL DAY...
No man can say, "I wonder if Shannon Brown is related to Chris, every time I see one I think about the other"
No man can say..."I just don't like Kobe because he is arrogant"...news flash. He is worth 100's of millions of dollars...think about how arrogant you get when you get fresh haircut
No man can say..."Even his puppet is arrogan"
No man can own a Lakers bedroom set
No man can say..."Dang...they foulin Dwight Howard everytime, I know he got big shoulders and all, but damn"
No man can talk shit about Kobe's daughters' outfits after the game (No matter how Mexican it was)
No man can wear Laker's flip flops without socks
No man can say..."Man Andrew Bynum got a high butt"
No man can say that the Lakeshow aint the shit!!!
INGLEWOOD 310 LAKESHOW ALL DAY...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Snack Pack Preview
HELL YEAH!! Thursday is here, check out these Snack Pack Clips from the last show. New Show tomorrow at Apache Cafe 64 3rd St. NW Atlanta, GA 30308. Holla at me for them advanced tix. Enjoy
The Snack Pack:Fall Out Friday @ Apache Cafe 6-12-09 from Black Static Films on Vimeo.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
If Cartoon Characters Were Real...
Welcome, welcome, welcome back to Thursday Comedy Corner. For your enjoyment I present to you:
If Cartoon Characters Were Real
I would definitely try to fuck Smurfette to see if the condom turns blue
Tony the Tiger would scare the shit out of everyone at the Gay Club (obviously only a gay dude would wear only a scarf around his neck while butt naked)
Quagmire would be the first to be on "Dateline To Catch A Predator"
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
I would mob to the club w/ Richie Rich and stunt on all you hoes!!! Poppin massive bottles!
If the Tazmanian Devil spits on me one more time I will fight his ass
Mickey Mouse would be mad at Michael Jackson for stealing his swag, Gloves...White Face w/ Black Hair, and love for little boys
I would definitely burn one with Cookie Monster...anyone that eats that many cookies has to have the munchies
I would tell Wile E. Coyote to stop fucking w/ ACME and get w/ Smith & Wesson
I would try and get to know Dora the Explorers' connect...she can go anywhere on the planet...no security checkpoint, I know she keep that work
The PowerPuff girls would go on that show "Intervention"...the only people with eyes that big are crackheads
THANK YOU
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Man Law Monday
Cookout Edition
No man can eat a naked sausage
No man can bring a pound cake to a cookout
No man can ask another man how he "prepares his chicken"
No man can complain that there are not enough vegetables at the cookout
No man can wear an apron that says "kiss the chef" at a cookout with a bunch of dudes
No man can drink a Bud Light Lime
No man can hope that another man brought a plate of his specialty
No man can request that everyone play Charades
No man can pass out flyers to his poetry reading at the cookout
No 2 men can walk to the cookout and say in unison, "We bought potato salad"
Thank You
No man can eat a naked sausage
No man can bring a pound cake to a cookout
No man can ask another man how he "prepares his chicken"
No man can complain that there are not enough vegetables at the cookout
No man can wear an apron that says "kiss the chef" at a cookout with a bunch of dudes
No man can drink a Bud Light Lime
No man can hope that another man brought a plate of his specialty
No man can request that everyone play Charades
No man can pass out flyers to his poetry reading at the cookout
No 2 men can walk to the cookout and say in unison, "We bought potato salad"
Thank You
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy
Since it's the new craze, decided I would snap some shit about it...entitled...
"Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy?"
"Damn, offed a white chick and was good, got 75 for stealing some football cards...wtf?"
@OJdidntdoit
"Man this cave startin to stink!!!"
@BinLadenbinchillin
"Damn I cant even bust a nut w/out it making CNN...FUCK!!!!"
@Barackdabeast
"Who's the best?...haha...I raped a white chick raw dizzle in the ass...and until now, yall forgot...haha"
@Kobe3rings
"I sucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"
@kimkardassian
"I fucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"
@dangershesmashedthehomies
"HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
@keycolesmama
"man got damn...its a fuckin dog!!!"
@MVick7
"dem niggas down there wildin"
@THEREALJESUS_H
"Wow...I should write a book called, tear shit up...and flee the scene!"
@gWbush
Homework Assignments: If you dig what I do...invite your friends to my group...on the home page click "Invite People To Join" then follow the promps...preciate ya
Oh yea...Twitter me: @tylerchronicles
Thank You
"Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy?"
"Damn, offed a white chick and was good, got 75 for stealing some football cards...wtf?"
@OJdidntdoit
"Man this cave startin to stink!!!"
@BinLadenbinchillin
"Damn I cant even bust a nut w/out it making CNN...FUCK!!!!"
@Barackdabeast
"Who's the best?...haha...I raped a white chick raw dizzle in the ass...and until now, yall forgot...haha"
@Kobe3rings
"I sucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"
@kimkardassian
"I fucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"
@dangershesmashedthehomies
"HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
@keycolesmama
"man got damn...its a fuckin dog!!!"
@MVick7
"dem niggas down there wildin"
@THEREALJESUS_H
"Wow...I should write a book called, tear shit up...and flee the scene!"
@gWbush
Homework Assignments: If you dig what I do...invite your friends to my group...on the home page click "Invite People To Join" then follow the promps...preciate ya
Oh yea...Twitter me: @tylerchronicles
Thank You
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can walk out fo jail w/ fresh braids
No man can eat a Manwich
No man can have small birds printed on his shirt
No man can watch Men's tennis
No man can use another man's face towel
No man can use Vidal Sassoon Shampoo
No man can be on the NutraSystem points diet
No man can have these symbols in his text signature *~Ballin is My Hobby~*
No man can wear a shirt that shows his entire collarbone
No man can walk his dog in a dog park
No man can eat a Manwich
No man can have small birds printed on his shirt
No man can watch Men's tennis
No man can use another man's face towel
No man can use Vidal Sassoon Shampoo
No man can be on the NutraSystem points diet
No man can have these symbols in his text signature *~Ballin is My Hobby~*
No man can wear a shirt that shows his entire collarbone
No man can walk his dog in a dog park
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sex Positions
As promised, I call this one...New Sex Positions I Made Up (Female Version). Enjoy and comment.
Toilet Seat- Back in to sit on his face...then complain about the seat being up
Thighmaster- While getting eaten...squeeze the side of his head with your thighs and tell him to make a squeaking noise
Oil Spill- Drink 4 milkshakes...Ride him reverse cowgirl style...and diarrhea cha cha cha on his abs.
Pro Bowlers Association- Ride him as if sitting in a chair...put the middle 2 fingers of your hand in his nostrils and a thumb in his eye...then yell "Steeeeriiiike 3" ala Fred Flintstone
Tea Cup Ride-Tell him to lay flat...ride him and spin round and around until you cum...then hop off the bed and vomit in the corner
Swim Up Stream-Right before your man is about to climax...cover his hole wiith your thumb and whisper in his ear "Swim Up Stream"
Galaxy-In the 69 position...use your mates penis like an Atari joystick.. and his balls for buttons...and say "pew pew pew pew" as if shooting space ships
Car Wash- (Reserved for women over 40 or that have the sag from childbirth) While riding your man...dip your breasts in soapy water and rub them back and forth across his face
Sniper- Get behind your man, close one eye, look in his butt-hole, reach around to hold the barrel steady...then pull the trigger until it shoots the target (overboard I know, but I do it for yall)
Trick Flower- Tell him to put his nose by your vag to smell your "flower" then pee in his face and honk a clown horn
Thank You
Twitter @tylerchronicles.com
Toilet Seat- Back in to sit on his face...then complain about the seat being up
Thighmaster- While getting eaten...squeeze the side of his head with your thighs and tell him to make a squeaking noise
Oil Spill- Drink 4 milkshakes...Ride him reverse cowgirl style...and diarrhea cha cha cha on his abs.
Pro Bowlers Association- Ride him as if sitting in a chair...put the middle 2 fingers of your hand in his nostrils and a thumb in his eye...then yell "Steeeeriiiike 3" ala Fred Flintstone
Tea Cup Ride-Tell him to lay flat...ride him and spin round and around until you cum...then hop off the bed and vomit in the corner
Swim Up Stream-Right before your man is about to climax...cover his hole wiith your thumb and whisper in his ear "Swim Up Stream"
Galaxy-In the 69 position...use your mates penis like an Atari joystick.. and his balls for buttons...and say "pew pew pew pew" as if shooting space ships
Car Wash- (Reserved for women over 40 or that have the sag from childbirth) While riding your man...dip your breasts in soapy water and rub them back and forth across his face
Sniper- Get behind your man, close one eye, look in his butt-hole, reach around to hold the barrel steady...then pull the trigger until it shoots the target (overboard I know, but I do it for yall)
Trick Flower- Tell him to put his nose by your vag to smell your "flower" then pee in his face and honk a clown horn
Thank You
Twitter @tylerchronicles.com
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can sit at the edge of the pool and dip his feet in
No man can ask for Lavender Car Freshener
No man can say "Oh heyyyy" when answering the phone
No man can purchase a Day 26 CD
No man can complain about his nails getting dirty
No man can turn pass a women's volleyball game on tv. (Must watch for at least 5 minutes)
No man can lay out by the pool
No man can eat cotton candy at the amusement park
No man can use toilet tissue that comes w/ Aloe
No man can have a large collection of keychains
Thank You
No man can ask for Lavender Car Freshener
No man can say "Oh heyyyy" when answering the phone
No man can purchase a Day 26 CD
No man can complain about his nails getting dirty
No man can turn pass a women's volleyball game on tv. (Must watch for at least 5 minutes)
No man can lay out by the pool
No man can eat cotton candy at the amusement park
No man can use toilet tissue that comes w/ Aloe
No man can have a large collection of keychains
Thank You
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