Friday, February 27, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can order Harvest Grain Pancakes w/ fruit garnish (DN)

No man can share an armrest on a plane with another man

No man can call himself or another man "shawty"

No man can tell another man he needs to lick his lips

No man can be afraid of thunder

No man can ask another man to scratch a "hard to reach" area

No man can ponder putting a relaxer in his hair to make conrows easier to take

No man can give another man his own personal ringtone (SA)

No man can wear socks with the furry ball on the back

No man can wear Reebok Classics

Thank you

REAL Moral of the Story for Nursery Rhymes

Pray for me on this one. This is my version of the REAL Moral of the Story for Nursery Rhymes. Enjoy, comment, and dont judge me...haha!!

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the weasel.
(Moral of the story, if you make a boy chase your weasel around the bush for too long, he will pop as soon as he gets in it)

Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
(Moral of the story, if you get high enough you can see all kinds of crazy shit)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!
(Moral of the story, when you are on top people are willing to do anything for you, but as soon as you fall, niggas wont even help you get ya shit back together)

I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more
There's a big fat policeman
At my door, door, door
He grabbed me by the collar,
He made me pay a dollar,
I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more.
(Moral of the story, Mexican Police Officers take bribes)

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
(Moral of the story, if you chase Jill for that wet wet long enough, she’ll eventually fall on your crown)

Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe
(Moral of the story, crackheads are fast)

This old man, he played one,
He played knick knack with his thumb,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the dog a bone;
This old man came rolling home.
(Moral of the story, if an old man wants to play knick knack with his thumb then give you a bone, call Chris Hansen here

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under a haycock, fast asleep.
Will you wake him? No, not I,
For if I do, he's sure to cry.
(Moral of the story, fags cry when you wake them up early)

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Roll it, and prick it, and mark it with a "B"
And put it in the oven for Baby and me!
(Moral of the story, cooking crack is easy, make sure you mark your package so that everyone knows where to come back)

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells,
And pretty maids all in a row
(Moral of the story, Mary needs to shave that cooch…its got all kinds of shit in it)

Now have fun singing these to yourself all day!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can wear a watch with a skinny band on his right wrist

No man can have an action figure collection

No man can wear dress shoes with the back or the toes out

No man can wear a sweater with no undershirt

No man can let the juice from fruit run down his mouth

No man can bend over in the shower...if you drop your rag...its just dropped, or try and pick it up like an eagle would its prey

No man can wear mid calf socks

No man can take a camera phone picture of John Legend at a concert

No man can wear a Tall T and boxers to bed

Friday, February 20, 2009

Things Your Mom Never Told You... As Told to a 5-yr Old Boy

Im baaaaaack!!!!! Here's some shit I just thought of. Something I like to call ......

"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp

"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night

"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit

"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up

"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips

"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding

"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick

"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take

"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty

"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going

Friday, February 13, 2009

With You (The Domestic Violence Version)

With You (The Domestic Violence Version)
Written and Performed by Tyler Dirton
Super Engineer B Scott on the Boards
Technical Assistance (LC)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Man Law Monday

No 2 men can watch the Grammy's together

No man can take ice skating lessons

No man's profile name on Myspace can begin with an *, ~, or # sign.

No man can put one finger up while excusing himself in church

No man can sit in the bed in his t-shirt, shorts, and socks while eating ice cream

No man can utter the phrase, "I'm addicted to (Insert Reality Show name here)

No man can suck his teeth in disagreement

No man can complain about the price of facial cream

No man can use his girl's Bath and Bodyworks products

No man can send you a text that looks like this: "wHaT's uP mAn, wHeN iS yOuR sUpPoSeD tO jUmP??

Thank you!

Friday, February 6, 2009



The following are some of the things I think are the hardest shit in the world to do! Enjoy, comment, be good!

Opening a new CD

Not looking directly at a chicks titties when they bounce everytime she says a consonant

Talk to your mom on the phone while you're high, Mom: "Hey baby, how was class today?" You: "Yea the shoestrings in them joints was too long, so I just decided to tuck them in"

Pull Out

Get your drawers out of your ass in public

To tell someone that they have a white spit wedge in the corner of their mouth

Not to do the Harlem Shake for 3 seconds when you hear "Grindin" by the Clipse

Not to laugh when a grown woman rolls her ankle on the sidewalk

Not to look at the ball of meat on the back of a niggas ear that has encountered a bad earring day

To pour Muhammad Ali some of your Skittles

Thank You

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can have a beard and no mustache

No man can request a blanket

No man can turn up the volume on a love song when riding w/ other men

No man can ask another man to bring him something back from vacation

No man can ask another man what type of lotion he uses

No man can ask who won the Super Bowl

No man can open a phone conversation w/ another man with the phrase, "Whatchu doin?"

No man can ask another man if he wants a spot while doing squats

No man should know what ANTM means

No man can blow on his soup

Thank you