Thursday, May 28, 2009

If Cartoon Characters Were Real...

Welcome, welcome, welcome back to Thursday Comedy Corner. For your enjoyment I present to you:

If Cartoon Characters Were Real

I would definitely try to fuck Smurfette to see if the condom turns blue

Tony the Tiger would scare the shit out of everyone at the Gay Club (obviously only a gay dude would wear only a scarf around his neck while butt naked)

Quagmire would be the first to be on "Dateline To Catch A Predator"
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.

I would mob to the club w/ Richie Rich and stunt on all you hoes!!! Poppin massive bottles!

If the Tazmanian Devil spits on me one more time I will fight his ass

Mickey Mouse would be mad at Michael Jackson for stealing his swag, Gloves...White Face w/ Black Hair, and love for little boys

I would definitely burn one with Cookie Monster...anyone that eats that many cookies has to have the munchies

I would tell Wile E. Coyote to stop fucking w/ ACME and get w/ Smith & Wesson

I would try and get to know Dora the Explorers' connect...she can go anywhere on the security checkpoint, I know she keep that work

The PowerPuff girls would go on that show "Intervention"...the only people with eyes that big are crackheads


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Man Law Monday

Cookout Edition

No man can eat a naked sausage

No man can bring a pound cake to a cookout

No man can ask another man how he "prepares his chicken"

No man can complain that there are not enough vegetables at the cookout

No man can wear an apron that says "kiss the chef" at a cookout with a bunch of dudes

No man can drink a Bud Light Lime

No man can hope that another man brought a plate of his specialty

No man can request that everyone play Charades

No man can pass out flyers to his poetry reading at the cookout

No 2 men can walk to the cookout and say in unison, "We bought potato salad"

Thank You

Friday, May 22, 2009

Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy

Since it's the new craze, decided I would snap some shit about it...entitled...
"Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy?"

"Damn, offed a white chick and was good, got 75 for stealing some football"

"Man this cave startin to stink!!!"

"Damn I cant even bust a nut w/out it making CNN...FUCK!!!!"

"Who's the best?...haha...I raped a white chick raw dizzle in the ass...and until now, yall forgot...haha"

"I sucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"

"I fucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"


"man got damn...its a fuckin dog!!!"

"dem niggas down there wildin"

"Wow...I should write a book called, tear shit up...and flee the scene!"

Homework Assignments: If you dig what I do...invite your friends to my group...on the home page click "Invite People To Join" then follow the promps...preciate ya

Oh yea...Twitter me: @tylerchronicles

Thank You

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can walk out fo jail w/ fresh braids

No man can eat a Manwich

No man can have small birds printed on his shirt

No man can watch Men's tennis

No man can use another man's face towel

No man can use Vidal Sassoon Shampoo

No man can be on the NutraSystem points diet

No man can have these symbols in his text signature *~Ballin is My Hobby~*

No man can wear a shirt that shows his entire collarbone

No man can walk his dog in a dog park

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sex Positions

As promised, I call this one...New Sex Positions I Made Up (Female Version). Enjoy and comment.

Toilet Seat- Back in to sit on his face...then complain about the seat being up

Thighmaster- While getting eaten...squeeze the side of his head with your thighs and tell him to make a squeaking noise

Oil Spill- Drink 4 milkshakes...Ride him reverse cowgirl style...and diarrhea cha cha cha on his abs.

Pro Bowlers Association- Ride him as if sitting in a chair...put the middle 2 fingers of your hand in his nostrils and a thumb in his eye...then yell "Steeeeriiiike 3" ala Fred Flintstone

Tea Cup Ride-Tell him to lay flat...ride him and spin round and around until you cum...then hop off the bed and vomit in the corner

Swim Up Stream-Right before your man is about to climax...cover his hole wiith your thumb and whisper in his ear "Swim Up Stream"

Galaxy-In the 69 position...use your mates penis like an Atari joystick.. and his balls for buttons...and say "pew pew pew pew" as if shooting space ships

Car Wash- (Reserved for women over 40 or that have the sag from childbirth) While riding your man...dip your breasts in soapy water and rub them back and forth across his face

Sniper- Get behind your man, close one eye, look in his butt-hole, reach around to hold the barrel steady...then pull the trigger until it shoots the target (overboard I know, but I do it for yall)

Trick Flower- Tell him to put his nose by your vag to smell your "flower" then pee in his face and honk a clown horn

Thank You


Monday, May 11, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can sit at the edge of the pool and dip his feet in

No man can ask for Lavender Car Freshener

No man can say "Oh heyyyy" when answering the phone

No man can purchase a Day 26 CD

No man can complain about his nails getting dirty

No man can turn pass a women's volleyball game on tv. (Must watch for at least 5 minutes)

No man can lay out by the pool

No man can eat cotton candy at the amusement park

No man can use toilet tissue that comes w/ Aloe

No man can have a large collection of keychains

Thank You

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sex Positions

Here we go...these are some new sex positions that I created...the male version (pause). Female version coming next week. Thanks.

Pencil Sharpener- Lay your woman face up on the bed, stick it in...then have her spin around while spitting sawdust out of her mouth

MJ- Hold on to the ceiling light with one hand while standing like the Jordan Jumpman logo and get head

Jack in the Box- Download 'Pop Goes the Weasel' on your cell phone, play it while hitting it from the back, and when the song reaches the 'pop' portion...dry thumb in her ass

Get High-wrap your lady in a brown garbage bag like a blunt, leaving only her head exposed, light the end by her feet on fire while receiving head

Tooth Fairy- take a pillow wherever you go and when you say "toothfairy" she has to stick her head under the pillow...and you guessed it...give head

The Elevator- Right before you reach the top(climax) fart and leave the room

The Ant Eater (Uncircumsized Users Only)- place raisins on your mates stomach and act as if your dick is eating ants...then insert

The Stanky 3rd Leg- Raw sex immediately after competing in a sports event

10 on Pump 5- Go raw, don't pull out til you shook out the last drop

The Ninja- Throw babypowder in your mates eyes...then steal the pussy

Monday, May 4, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can order a medium fruit cup

No man can have all men as his T-Mobile Fave 5

No man can say they dont like girl on girl porn

No man can utter the words, "damn I forgot a lime for my Corona"

No 2 men can go puppy shopping at the animal shelter

No man can be more excited about his wedding then he is his batchelor party

No man can buy another man a drink and tell the bartender, "Make it strong"

No man can walk another man to his car

No man can say an outfit makes him look chunky

No man can invite another man to is company Christmas Party