Monday, September 21, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can dig his toes into the carpet while watching TV

No man can go to a fashion show with his "boy"

No man can get "butterflies" when meeting another man...famous or not

No man take cell phone pics and name the album "photoshoot"

No man can own a Snuggie

No man can say.."man the thing I miss most about playing ball, is the locker room"

No man can win a bear at a carnival and keep it

No man can ask another man to meet him for Sushi

No man can be in a bookclub

No man can have any kind of ass ointment in his cabinet

Thank You

Monday, June 22, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can have an Air Freshener that is Fruit Explosion scented

No man can pull his bare heels out of his shoes while sitting down

No man can say anything bad about a Porn Star

No man can take his son to cheerleading practice

No group of men can have a "Boys Night Out"

No man can ask another man "Yo, what you wearing to the club?"

No man can say "take me to jail, I'm ready to go back"

No man can have letters taller than 1 inch on his jeans

No man can lay out by the pool

No man can have the "Oprah Flap" under his arm

Thank You

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can suck his teeth and say..."Ugghh...I hate the Lakers, they always win"

No man can say, "I wonder if Shannon Brown is related to Chris, every time I see one I think about the other"

No man can say..."I just don't like Kobe because he is arrogant" flash. He is worth 100's of millions of dollars...think about how arrogant you get when you get fresh haircut

No man can say..."Even his puppet is arrogan"

No man can own a Lakers bedroom set

No man can say..."Dang...they foulin Dwight Howard everytime, I know he got big shoulders and all, but damn"

No man can talk shit about Kobe's daughters' outfits after the game (No matter how Mexican it was)

No man can wear Laker's flip flops without socks

No man can say..."Man Andrew Bynum got a high butt"

No man can say that the Lakeshow aint the shit!!!


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Snack Pack Preview

HELL YEAH!! Thursday is here, check out these Snack Pack Clips from the last show. New Show tomorrow at Apache Cafe 64 3rd St. NW Atlanta, GA 30308. Holla at me for them advanced tix. Enjoy

The Snack Pack:Fall Out Friday @ Apache Cafe 6-12-09 from Black Static Films on Vimeo.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

If Cartoon Characters Were Real...

Welcome, welcome, welcome back to Thursday Comedy Corner. For your enjoyment I present to you:

If Cartoon Characters Were Real

I would definitely try to fuck Smurfette to see if the condom turns blue

Tony the Tiger would scare the shit out of everyone at the Gay Club (obviously only a gay dude would wear only a scarf around his neck while butt naked)

Quagmire would be the first to be on "Dateline To Catch A Predator"
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.

I would mob to the club w/ Richie Rich and stunt on all you hoes!!! Poppin massive bottles!

If the Tazmanian Devil spits on me one more time I will fight his ass

Mickey Mouse would be mad at Michael Jackson for stealing his swag, Gloves...White Face w/ Black Hair, and love for little boys

I would definitely burn one with Cookie Monster...anyone that eats that many cookies has to have the munchies

I would tell Wile E. Coyote to stop fucking w/ ACME and get w/ Smith & Wesson

I would try and get to know Dora the Explorers' connect...she can go anywhere on the security checkpoint, I know she keep that work

The PowerPuff girls would go on that show "Intervention"...the only people with eyes that big are crackheads


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Man Law Monday

Cookout Edition

No man can eat a naked sausage

No man can bring a pound cake to a cookout

No man can ask another man how he "prepares his chicken"

No man can complain that there are not enough vegetables at the cookout

No man can wear an apron that says "kiss the chef" at a cookout with a bunch of dudes

No man can drink a Bud Light Lime

No man can hope that another man brought a plate of his specialty

No man can request that everyone play Charades

No man can pass out flyers to his poetry reading at the cookout

No 2 men can walk to the cookout and say in unison, "We bought potato salad"

Thank You

Friday, May 22, 2009

Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy

Since it's the new craze, decided I would snap some shit about it...entitled...
"Wouldn't These Twitter Updates Be Crazy?"

"Damn, offed a white chick and was good, got 75 for stealing some football"

"Man this cave startin to stink!!!"

"Damn I cant even bust a nut w/out it making CNN...FUCK!!!!"

"Who's the best?...haha...I raped a white chick raw dizzle in the ass...and until now, yall forgot...haha"

"I sucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"

"I fucked the right one babay...uhh huh!!!"


"man got damn...its a fuckin dog!!!"

"dem niggas down there wildin"

"Wow...I should write a book called, tear shit up...and flee the scene!"

Homework Assignments: If you dig what I do...invite your friends to my group...on the home page click "Invite People To Join" then follow the promps...preciate ya

Oh yea...Twitter me: @tylerchronicles

Thank You

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can walk out fo jail w/ fresh braids

No man can eat a Manwich

No man can have small birds printed on his shirt

No man can watch Men's tennis

No man can use another man's face towel

No man can use Vidal Sassoon Shampoo

No man can be on the NutraSystem points diet

No man can have these symbols in his text signature *~Ballin is My Hobby~*

No man can wear a shirt that shows his entire collarbone

No man can walk his dog in a dog park

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sex Positions

As promised, I call this one...New Sex Positions I Made Up (Female Version). Enjoy and comment.

Toilet Seat- Back in to sit on his face...then complain about the seat being up

Thighmaster- While getting eaten...squeeze the side of his head with your thighs and tell him to make a squeaking noise

Oil Spill- Drink 4 milkshakes...Ride him reverse cowgirl style...and diarrhea cha cha cha on his abs.

Pro Bowlers Association- Ride him as if sitting in a chair...put the middle 2 fingers of your hand in his nostrils and a thumb in his eye...then yell "Steeeeriiiike 3" ala Fred Flintstone

Tea Cup Ride-Tell him to lay flat...ride him and spin round and around until you cum...then hop off the bed and vomit in the corner

Swim Up Stream-Right before your man is about to climax...cover his hole wiith your thumb and whisper in his ear "Swim Up Stream"

Galaxy-In the 69 position...use your mates penis like an Atari joystick.. and his balls for buttons...and say "pew pew pew pew" as if shooting space ships

Car Wash- (Reserved for women over 40 or that have the sag from childbirth) While riding your man...dip your breasts in soapy water and rub them back and forth across his face

Sniper- Get behind your man, close one eye, look in his butt-hole, reach around to hold the barrel steady...then pull the trigger until it shoots the target (overboard I know, but I do it for yall)

Trick Flower- Tell him to put his nose by your vag to smell your "flower" then pee in his face and honk a clown horn

Thank You


Monday, May 11, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can sit at the edge of the pool and dip his feet in

No man can ask for Lavender Car Freshener

No man can say "Oh heyyyy" when answering the phone

No man can purchase a Day 26 CD

No man can complain about his nails getting dirty

No man can turn pass a women's volleyball game on tv. (Must watch for at least 5 minutes)

No man can lay out by the pool

No man can eat cotton candy at the amusement park

No man can use toilet tissue that comes w/ Aloe

No man can have a large collection of keychains

Thank You

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sex Positions

Here we go...these are some new sex positions that I created...the male version (pause). Female version coming next week. Thanks.

Pencil Sharpener- Lay your woman face up on the bed, stick it in...then have her spin around while spitting sawdust out of her mouth

MJ- Hold on to the ceiling light with one hand while standing like the Jordan Jumpman logo and get head

Jack in the Box- Download 'Pop Goes the Weasel' on your cell phone, play it while hitting it from the back, and when the song reaches the 'pop' portion...dry thumb in her ass

Get High-wrap your lady in a brown garbage bag like a blunt, leaving only her head exposed, light the end by her feet on fire while receiving head

Tooth Fairy- take a pillow wherever you go and when you say "toothfairy" she has to stick her head under the pillow...and you guessed it...give head

The Elevator- Right before you reach the top(climax) fart and leave the room

The Ant Eater (Uncircumsized Users Only)- place raisins on your mates stomach and act as if your dick is eating ants...then insert

The Stanky 3rd Leg- Raw sex immediately after competing in a sports event

10 on Pump 5- Go raw, don't pull out til you shook out the last drop

The Ninja- Throw babypowder in your mates eyes...then steal the pussy

Monday, May 4, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can order a medium fruit cup

No man can have all men as his T-Mobile Fave 5

No man can say they dont like girl on girl porn

No man can utter the words, "damn I forgot a lime for my Corona"

No 2 men can go puppy shopping at the animal shelter

No man can be more excited about his wedding then he is his batchelor party

No man can buy another man a drink and tell the bartender, "Make it strong"

No man can walk another man to his car

No man can say an outfit makes him look chunky

No man can invite another man to is company Christmas Party

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Things You Wouldn't Say At A Daycare

HELLO WORLD!! You know what time it is...come get in this corner! I call this one

"Hey lil girl, you must look like your father"

" cute, I just want to kidnap you and see how much you cost"

"Who wants to learn how to roll a blunt?"

"Lil dude in the corner with the helmet on is having an awesome time"

"And the secret word of the day is, 'Poontang' "

"Hey is that your mom over there with the fat ass?"

"Little boys that think girls are yucky usually grow up to be fudgepackers, ok?"

"Damn is that an adult 7 1/2 fitted hat? You got a grown man's head"

"Being a tattle tale can end up getting you stabbed in the shower"

"Alright reading time, who in here has heard of King Magazine?"

Got the advanced ticket list for my Improv Comedy show at SugarHill in ATL Sunday (5/3). If you got my number, hit me...if not email and we will make it work. $10 with me...$15 at the door, come out and support ya boy!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can compliment how well the pastor's suit fits

No man can ask another man if he can, "change his oil"

No 2 men can be in the same slot of a revolving door

No man can tell another man that is not a professional athelete that he is a beast

No man can ask the bootleg movie man at the barbershop, "Ay yo, you got that Obsessed joint?"

No man can buy a Nutrageous

No man can have a crease in his jeans

No man can tell another man he has "fresh breath"

No man can text a chick saying, "You hurt my feelings by not answering my call"

No man can tell another man that he dropped something, then watch him pick it up

If you're in the ATL this weekend check me out at SugarHill in the Underground this Sunday May 3rd from 7-9pm. Snack Pack Improv Comedy. Click the link to check out the last show. Hit me for advance tix.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Good Things Crackheads Do

WHADAFUXUP? This is a topic that rarely gets discussed so I took it upon myself to bring it to light. I call this, "Good Things Crackheads Do". Enjoy!

They are always there when you need a random pack of tube socks

They can wash your entire car with a bucket, an unlabeled spray bottle, and a towel/shirt

They are the source for all the dance crazes (The Roy, Harlem Shake, Stanky Leg..etc)

You won't be able to get a 37" flat screen for $40 anywhere else

They are Earth friendly, instead of cutting your grass with a lawnmower they choose scissors

Crackheads gone wild is an awesome DVD

$2 blow jobs

Even though you may end up with less stuff, they can get your entire house moved in 2 hours

They show the children what they can become if they don't do their homework

For $2 they will watch your car while you are in the club, for $5 they will build a brick wall around it and hire a pitbull

Thank You

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Man Law Monday

4/20 Edition

No man can look into another man's eyes while licking the blunt shut

No man can ask another man to teach him to blow "smoke holes"

No man can text another man: Happy 420 :-P

No man can stick an entire cigar in his mouth to produce wetness

No man can tell another man "I feel comfortable smoking around you"

No man can smoke out of a pipe that is long, hard, and has a tiny hole on one end with a round bulb on the other

No man can blow another man a shotgun

No two men can get high and say "Ay man, we should go swimming"

No man can get high and discuss his love life with another man

No man can smoke a blunt with his legs crossed

Thank You

Friday, April 17, 2009

You Know You are in the Black Mall When...

Welcome Back...did ya miss me?? This isn't You Know You Are a Redneck When...its You Know You are in the Black Mall When...Enjoy!
You know you are in the Black Mall when

The mannequins have fat asses

There is a 50 year old man purchasing an M&M's Nascar Jacket

You have to leave your bags at the front of every store

There are security tags on every single White Tee

There are no morning Mall Walkers

There are off-brand stores in the FoodCourt, ie T's Fried Fish and More

There is a kiosk that specializes in belts

There are no bookstores (sad but true)

Every girl that walks by sounds like they are carrying bags full of change

There is a dude in the parking lot trying to give you a better deal than what's in the mall

You see a herringbone


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Man Law Monday

No 2 men can ride in a 2 seater convertible

No man can use Sweet and Low

No man can purchase shoestrings that match his outfit

No man can wear sterling silver

No man can wonder if condoms can be recycled

No man can have a birthday cake after the age of 12

No man can be on the "Subway and Jarrett" diet

No man should have an argument with a woman via text and use ALL CAPS

No man can still wear a G-Unit wife beater

No man can tell other men to "follow him on Twitter"

Thank You

Friday, April 10, 2009

10 Most Awesome Things in the World in My Eyes

This list I have compiled are the 10 Most Awesome Things in the World in my eyes. Enjoy!

1) The creator of volleyball uniforms

2) Titties

3) The first person that thought it was a good idea to put your balls by the jet stream in the jacuzzi

4) Ladies night

5) The 8 minutes of footage after Halle Berry says, "Make me feel good" in Monster's Ball

6) The reaction of the first father that had to hear his only son ask, "Daddy, can you drive me to dance practice?"
7) Boyshorts

8) Baby Oil Gel on a stripper

9) Bubblegum Blunt Power

10) Knowing that to keep a man like Obama, Michelle's head game has got to be the most vicious on the Soutside of Chicago

Thank You

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can purchase fruit cocktail

No man can put on his hazard lights in the rain

No man can leave the top 3 buttons on his shirt unbuttoned

No man can be nervous about meeting another man

No man can get his feet pumiced

No man can have a favorite pair of drawers

No man can bring another man a magnet back from vacation

No man can request a special cake for his birthday

No man can request extra jelly

No man can pee through the hole in his tighty whities

Friday, April 3, 2009

Most Inappropriate Things to Think in Church

This one right here may be my letter of intent to sign a full scholarship for hell...but oh well...doin it for yall! This one is entitled

Most Inappropriate Things to Think in Church

"Damn Pastor's wife got a big ass, and that limp is kinda sexy"

"Why they let this retarded boy do the same speech every Easter, he's 29 now"

"Damn, Mrs. Gynn breath smells like Holy Shit mixed with a sweaty choir robe"

"Church long as hell, soon as I get home ima put in that new Bootytalk joint and go Ham!"

"Did that Usher just touch my ass when she showed me to my seat?"

"Look at her up there in the choir, them lungs are strong because I swear she didnt come up for air on my meat last night"

"Damn, Deacon Smith needs to stop coming to church, he looks like he's about to die in 5 minutes"

"Did I take my Chlamydia pill this morning?"

"The Minister of Music is about to give us diabetes he is so sweet, ugggh"

"I wonder if Jesus was fuckin"

Thank You

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can accidentally draw a flower while doodling

No man can doodle

No 2 men can have an inside joke

No man can be so happy that he runs in place

No man can put his foot up on the wait bench Captain Morgan style while spotting a male friend

No man can get the top of his ear pierced

No man can cross his hair to where his hamstrings touch his knee

No 2 men can have a non-business joint account

No man can have a job at Wet Seal

No man can take longer than 20 minutes to get dressed, and that includes showering

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Wonder...

This one is entitled "I Wonder"...because I wonder some crazy shit...enjoy!

I wonder what the Ice Cream man does in the Winter

I wonder if fish get offended when being compared to stank pu$$y

I wonder how people used to survive before toilet paper was invented

I wonder if the Chinese children that make our shoes know that they are selling for around $150

I wonder if Halle Berry's fart stinks

I wonder why Krazy Glue doesn't stick to the inside of the tube

I wonder if a chicken has actually ever crossed a road

I wonder if Barack curses people out behind the scenes

I wonder if bats know they have a Super Hero in their honor

I wonder if your loved ones that are up in heaven are looking down on you...while you masturbate

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Man Law Monday

No 2 men can plan a trip to the Caribbean together

No man can say "it's a beatiful day outside"

No man can cut his eye at another man

No man can know the phone # by heart to American Idol

No man can compliment another man on the whiteness of his teeth

No man can do a full body roll if dancing at the club (PM)

No man can use a picture of his favorite dress shoe as his profile

No man can have shorts or sweats w/ anything written on the ass

No man can sing into his body wash bottle in the shower

No man can sit with both knees up on the couch

Friday, March 20, 2009

You know you live in the hood when...

You know you live in the hood when...

You leave the porch light and TV on everytime you leave the house

You hate to turn on your kitchen light at night

Every girl's name ends in an "a"

You keep sandwich bags next to the sugar bowl because you know someone is coming to borrow some

You have more Kool-Aid packs in your cabinet than cooking spices and condiments

A Mother and Daughter are pregnant at the same time

Your corner store has more scratch off tickets than juice

Unfortunately the pizza man doesnt deliver "to that area"

You have carved your initials into your arm

The most expensive piece of furniture in the house is the X Box

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can drop something and say "oops"

No man can hug his pillow tight at night

No man can wear a single hoop earring unless you are Michael Jordan or a Genie

No man can ask another man to cook him his favorite dish

No man can say "I love being in the locker room"

No man can be mad that the show "Girlfriends" is no longer on the air

No man can complain about the way his feet look in sandals

No man can cry after watching Seven pounds

No man can own a dildo that doesnt smell like vagina

Thank you

Friday, March 13, 2009

Things That You Think to Yourself, But Never Say Out Loud!

You know what it is! Back like I never left. This week, Things That You Think to Yourself, But Never Say Out Loud! Enjoy!

"Dem niggas on Law & Order are smaaaart"

"I wonder how Crack tastes?"

"Did she just fart from her face, or did her breath just forget to take out the trash?"

"I know she's 15, but she got a big ol ass though!"

"I wonder what came first, pu$$y or fish?"

"Ohhh, is that hair growing out her mole?"

"Why are there so many handicapped parking spots, at the damn gym?"

"I should wash my balls, but she did say she was leaving in 5 minutes...fuck it I'm goin in"

"How do you actually get black elbows?"

"Damn that retarded kid looks retarded as hell"

Thank You

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can try on a pair of jeans and look at his ass in the mirror to see how it fits

No man can tell another man "come here, I got a secret"

No 2 men can do their "special handshake" at the club

No man can read another man's lips for too long

No man wear a bluetooth if it is dangling from his ear (BK)

No man can be on the Hollywood Diet

No man can let out only silent farts

No man can order Strawberries w/ Chocolate sauce

No man can shave his legs to his thigh to make his legs look good in shorts

No man can have hard nipples

Friday, March 6, 2009

When Was The Last Time

The following is entitled: "When Was The Last Time". Check me out and comment. Website coming soon.

When was the last time a black person told you they were about to get off the exit, and aint even left the house yet?

When was the last time you seen a health food store in the "black mall"?

When was the last time you drove past a cop and didnt tap your brakes, no matter how slow you were already going?

When was the last time you heard a 50 cent song you actually liked?

When was the last time you went to work/class and didnt log on to FaceBook or MySpace?

When was the last time you left your cell phone at home and didn't feel like you were about to have a heart attack?

When was the last time you were in a gas station on the "Rich" side of town and they sold Black N' Milds?

When was the last time you cursed out loud when you got a "Fwd this to 10 other people or Jesus will disown you" text?

When was the last time you saw a dude with a pen and paper gettin phone numbers at the club?

When was the last time you were web surfing and didnt click on the Midget Porn Pop-Up?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can watch a football game and go "mmmm"

No man can request to have his scalp greased

No two men can have a snowball fight

No man can grab the remote off another man's lap

No man can have a conversation in the men's bathroom

No man can put "it's complicated" as their relationship status

No man can cup his hand when doing the celebratory butt pat during a game

No man can drive a Dodge Neon

No man can know directions to a gay club

No man can wear oven mits for more than 5 minutes at a time

Thank You

Friday, February 27, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can order Harvest Grain Pancakes w/ fruit garnish (DN)

No man can share an armrest on a plane with another man

No man can call himself or another man "shawty"

No man can tell another man he needs to lick his lips

No man can be afraid of thunder

No man can ask another man to scratch a "hard to reach" area

No man can ponder putting a relaxer in his hair to make conrows easier to take

No man can give another man his own personal ringtone (SA)

No man can wear socks with the furry ball on the back

No man can wear Reebok Classics

Thank you

REAL Moral of the Story for Nursery Rhymes

Pray for me on this one. This is my version of the REAL Moral of the Story for Nursery Rhymes. Enjoy, comment, and dont judge me...haha!!

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the weasel.
(Moral of the story, if you make a boy chase your weasel around the bush for too long, he will pop as soon as he gets in it)

Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
(Moral of the story, if you get high enough you can see all kinds of crazy shit)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!
(Moral of the story, when you are on top people are willing to do anything for you, but as soon as you fall, niggas wont even help you get ya shit back together)

I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more
There's a big fat policeman
At my door, door, door
He grabbed me by the collar,
He made me pay a dollar,
I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more.
(Moral of the story, Mexican Police Officers take bribes)

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
(Moral of the story, if you chase Jill for that wet wet long enough, she’ll eventually fall on your crown)

Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe
(Moral of the story, crackheads are fast)

This old man, he played one,
He played knick knack with his thumb,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the dog a bone;
This old man came rolling home.
(Moral of the story, if an old man wants to play knick knack with his thumb then give you a bone, call Chris Hansen here

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under a haycock, fast asleep.
Will you wake him? No, not I,
For if I do, he's sure to cry.
(Moral of the story, fags cry when you wake them up early)

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Roll it, and prick it, and mark it with a "B"
And put it in the oven for Baby and me!
(Moral of the story, cooking crack is easy, make sure you mark your package so that everyone knows where to come back)

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells,
And pretty maids all in a row
(Moral of the story, Mary needs to shave that cooch…its got all kinds of shit in it)

Now have fun singing these to yourself all day!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can wear a watch with a skinny band on his right wrist

No man can have an action figure collection

No man can wear dress shoes with the back or the toes out

No man can wear a sweater with no undershirt

No man can let the juice from fruit run down his mouth

No man can bend over in the shower...if you drop your rag...its just dropped, or try and pick it up like an eagle would its prey

No man can wear mid calf socks

No man can take a camera phone picture of John Legend at a concert

No man can wear a Tall T and boxers to bed

Friday, February 20, 2009

Things Your Mom Never Told You... As Told to a 5-yr Old Boy

Im baaaaaack!!!!! Here's some shit I just thought of. Something I like to call ......

"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp

"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night

"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit

"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up

"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips

"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding

"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick

"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take

"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty

"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going

Friday, February 13, 2009

With You (The Domestic Violence Version)

With You (The Domestic Violence Version)
Written and Performed by Tyler Dirton
Super Engineer B Scott on the Boards
Technical Assistance (LC)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Man Law Monday

No 2 men can watch the Grammy's together

No man can take ice skating lessons

No man's profile name on Myspace can begin with an *, ~, or # sign.

No man can put one finger up while excusing himself in church

No man can sit in the bed in his t-shirt, shorts, and socks while eating ice cream

No man can utter the phrase, "I'm addicted to (Insert Reality Show name here)

No man can suck his teeth in disagreement

No man can complain about the price of facial cream

No man can use his girl's Bath and Bodyworks products

No man can send you a text that looks like this: "wHaT's uP mAn, wHeN iS yOuR sUpPoSeD tO jUmP??

Thank you!

Friday, February 6, 2009



The following are some of the things I think are the hardest shit in the world to do! Enjoy, comment, be good!

Opening a new CD

Not looking directly at a chicks titties when they bounce everytime she says a consonant

Talk to your mom on the phone while you're high, Mom: "Hey baby, how was class today?" You: "Yea the shoestrings in them joints was too long, so I just decided to tuck them in"

Pull Out

Get your drawers out of your ass in public

To tell someone that they have a white spit wedge in the corner of their mouth

Not to do the Harlem Shake for 3 seconds when you hear "Grindin" by the Clipse

Not to laugh when a grown woman rolls her ankle on the sidewalk

Not to look at the ball of meat on the back of a niggas ear that has encountered a bad earring day

To pour Muhammad Ali some of your Skittles

Thank You

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can have a beard and no mustache

No man can request a blanket

No man can turn up the volume on a love song when riding w/ other men

No man can ask another man to bring him something back from vacation

No man can ask another man what type of lotion he uses

No man can ask who won the Super Bowl

No man can open a phone conversation w/ another man with the phrase, "Whatchu doin?"

No man can ask another man if he wants a spot while doing squats

No man should know what ANTM means

No man can blow on his soup

Thank you

Friday, January 30, 2009

My Favorite Ni99az un the Whole Wide World

This goes out to all my favorite Ni99as in the world. A Ni99a comes in all colors, ages, genders, and backgrounds. These are just the ones that we all know and love. Enjoy

Da Ni99a dat feels like he has to talk to everyone on speaker phone no matter who is around

Da Ni99a dat pays for everything with a bag of change

Da Ni99a dat is always drunk and fed up with the stuck up women in the clubs You: "Man what's wrong w/ you? MFN: "Man I'm tired of these greedy ass chicks that come to the club and only want a baller, I asked her did she want me to buy her a drink, and she talkin bout 'nah I can't right now I'm with child, Bitch I aint buyin 2 damn drinks!!!

Da Ni99a dat does crack but always manages to get his hands on the newest shit

Da Ni99a dat works at the Black Wendy's that get's mad at you for ordering a "Special Made Sandwich"

Da Ni99a dat always has the New Jordans on but won't pay the $10 cover charge at the bar

Da Ni99a dat gets mad at old people when they walk to slow in front of them

Da Ni99a dat has sex w/ 3 different chicks a week but gets mad at his main chick for having too many male friends on MySpace

Da Ni99a dat was singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T hard as hell in the club, but waited 30 minutes to get in free, waited 20 minutes to get a free drink, then left and got smashed for 10 guessed it...for free

Da Ni99a dat no matter what, always has a story that tops the one you just told. You: "Man I knew this dude back in college that jumped off the 2nd floor on campus into the pool, shit was crazy" MFN: Shiiiiiiit, I know this dude that could jump so high, I saw him grab a squirrel out a tree, on my momma!"

Friday, January 23, 2009


You know what time it is...Comedy Corner time...enjoy and comment. New Day...same me! I just decided to write about some things I find funny in life.

How a stripper will wipe down the pole with alcohol but will let people throw dirty dollar bills right on their cooch!

How white men won't wash their hands in the bathroom but always want to shake hands when they meet you

How the response to a chick saying, "I'm on my period" used to be "Damn", when you get older the response is "Is it light or heavy?"

How Waffle House took advantage of the fact that poor people eat breakfast at all hours of the day. When was the last time you saw a nice car in the parking lot? I'll wait...

How a chick will get mad when you bust in their mouth, Her: "I said tell me when you are bout to cum. You: "I said...ahhhhhhh!!!"

How they found somebody in NOTORIOUS that looks just like Craig Mack

How older women keep their Carpel Tunnels brace on during sex like, "You goin bowlin after this or somethin?"

How little kids want to come up to you and show you their coloring book, and I'm like, "Man...this shit is gahhhhhbage, you all outside the lines and shit, you need to start over fam!"

How a homeless man can ask for money when he has on an iPod, "Yo, you can sell that and eat for a month"

How some girls still buy Apple Bottom Jeans when they should probably go cop them new Watermelon Bottom Jeans

How if somebody's car breaks down in front of you, you choose to curse them out instead of help!

How some chicks come to the club thinkin they fly and still have baby powder residue in the middle of their chest

How you are reading this at work/library/lab trying not to laugh out loud

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can wear jeans or dress pants that dont come with belt loops

No man can wear a thumb ring

No man can have his name tattoed in cursive on his arm

No man can throw another man a surprise party

No man can ask another man to help him choose what to wear

No man that wasnt a pimp in the late 70's can own pink socks

No man can use the shampoo bottle for a microphone while singing in the shower

No man can be on Weight Watchers

No man can set his alarm so that he doesnt miss Oprah

No man can giggle when water splashes in your butt while taking a shit

Thank you

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Education

So I got an idea for a segment from my good friend
(Good lookin Natalie Naomi Robinson, Someone reported her website so I cant plug it, hit her up and she will direct you) telling me to do something to help educate chicks on what we like, dislike, and some other interesting things you may not know about the male species. But you know I'm a little different, so check it out. Fellas don't be too mad I'm giving away some secrets, Ladies ask questions and I will try and answer this time. Comment if ya dig!

Ladies, our testicular area is the warmest part of our body, thats why our hands are always down there, its like holding on to some fresh baked cookies

Ladies, Porn Head (Ex: Slobbing, spitting, noisemaking) makes our joints 2 inches longer
Ladies, we dont ever want to be compared to the last dude, if he was doing so much for you, lets bring his ass back so he can help the both of us out

Ladies, we know we stink after workin out or playin ball A) no need to tell us how we smell B) no need to put your nose up to our clothes and shit like it may smell better the closer it gets to your face

Ladies, saying anything during sex that you heard in a porn movie will make us cum fast. You say, "Don't stop, harder, harder", we hear "Gone head and bust dat nut bruh"

Ladies, we will say yes to anything...if you say it from your knees with a mouth full of children

Ladies, please floss

Ladies, we like going to the strip club because them hoes dont care...and that's should try it some time

Ladies, we dont care which dress you stop asking...our real answer is the one that comes off the easiest

Ladies, we are all for the comfortable attire when kickin it around the house, but the more you come to bed looking like a FULL BAG OF CHIPS, the less likely we are to eat you, "Bet I can eat just one!"

Thank You

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can have a toothy smile while taking a bathroom picture

No man can go out with his clique to the club when all of them have shades on

No man can pull up his shirt sleeve with his teeth

No man can say the phrase..."Ssstop lyyyyyin"

No man can talk to another man while both are at the urinal

No man can stand dick to butt in the club no matter the capacity

No man can say the phrase..."I already got my whole outfit laid out"

No man can say I have to take a Number 1

No man can know the name of his local Chinese Nail Technician

No man can sing the $5 Footlong son


Who remembers putting cups in the cupboard upside down to keep the roaches out?

What the fuck is that bitch MIA talkin about on Paper Planes? (Pirates, Skulls, and Bones??)

When is Plies gonna come out and admit that he is Kirk Franklin w/ a grill?

Where are all of the baby pigeons?

Why did you used to have friends that smelled like their house? You know that gentle mix of arms, cheetos, earring backs, and hotdog water?

Who still wears valour suits?

What was the nigga that invented male thongs thinking? "Yea and that part right there goes directly in your ass...yea, dat part right dere!"

When are black people gonna stop paying for shit that costs more than $5 with all change?

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? And where does this bitch get all this money for travel in this economy?

Why was JJ from Goodtimes living in poverty, but decided to take up such an expensive hobby as painting? Probably could've used some of that money to buy shit that mattered, like food, and turtlenecks.