HELLO WORLD!! You know what time it is...come get in this corner! I call this one
THINGS YOU WOULDN'T SAY AT A DAYCARE
"Hey lil girl, you must look like your father"
"Aww...so cute, I just want to kidnap you and see how much you cost"
"Who wants to learn how to roll a blunt?"
"Lil dude in the corner with the helmet on is having an awesome time"
"And the secret word of the day is, 'Poontang' "
"Hey is that your mom over there with the fat ass?"
"Little boys that think girls are yucky usually grow up to be fudgepackers, ok?"
"Damn is that an adult 7 1/2 fitted hat? You got a grown man's head"
"Being a tattle tale can end up getting you stabbed in the shower"
"Alright reading time, who in here has heard of King Magazine?"
Got the advanced ticket list for my Improv Comedy show at SugarHill in ATL Sunday (5/3). If you got my number, hit me...if not email befunnyent@gmail.com and we will make it work. $10 with me...$15 at the door, come out and support ya boy!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can compliment how well the pastor's suit fits
No man can ask another man if he can, "change his oil"
No 2 men can be in the same slot of a revolving door
No man can tell another man that is not a professional athelete that he is a beast
No man can ask the bootleg movie man at the barbershop, "Ay yo, you got that Obsessed joint?"
No man can buy a Nutrageous
No man can have a crease in his jeans
No man can tell another man he has "fresh breath"
No man can text a chick saying, "You hurt my feelings by not answering my call"
No man can tell another man that he dropped something, then watch him pick it up
If you're in the ATL this weekend check me out at SugarHill in the Underground this Sunday May 3rd from 7-9pm. Snack Pack Improv Comedy. Click the link to check out the last show. Hit me for advance tix.
http://vimeo.com/4002015
No man can ask another man if he can, "change his oil"
No 2 men can be in the same slot of a revolving door
No man can tell another man that is not a professional athelete that he is a beast
No man can ask the bootleg movie man at the barbershop, "Ay yo, you got that Obsessed joint?"
No man can buy a Nutrageous
No man can have a crease in his jeans
No man can tell another man he has "fresh breath"
No man can text a chick saying, "You hurt my feelings by not answering my call"
No man can tell another man that he dropped something, then watch him pick it up
If you're in the ATL this weekend check me out at SugarHill in the Underground this Sunday May 3rd from 7-9pm. Snack Pack Improv Comedy. Click the link to check out the last show. Hit me for advance tix.
http://vimeo.com/4002015
Friday, April 24, 2009
Good Things Crackheads Do
WHADAFUXUP? This is a topic that rarely gets discussed so I took it upon myself to bring it to light. I call this, "Good Things Crackheads Do". Enjoy!
They are always there when you need a random pack of tube socks
They can wash your entire car with a bucket, an unlabeled spray bottle, and a towel/shirt
They are the source for all the dance crazes (The Roy, Harlem Shake, Stanky Leg..etc)
You won't be able to get a 37" flat screen for $40 anywhere else
They are Earth friendly, instead of cutting your grass with a lawnmower they choose scissors
Crackheads gone wild is an awesome DVD
$2 blow jobs
Even though you may end up with less stuff, they can get your entire house moved in 2 hours
They show the children what they can become if they don't do their homework
For $2 they will watch your car while you are in the club, for $5 they will build a brick wall around it and hire a pitbull
Thank You
They are always there when you need a random pack of tube socks
They can wash your entire car with a bucket, an unlabeled spray bottle, and a towel/shirt
They are the source for all the dance crazes (The Roy, Harlem Shake, Stanky Leg..etc)
You won't be able to get a 37" flat screen for $40 anywhere else
They are Earth friendly, instead of cutting your grass with a lawnmower they choose scissors
Crackheads gone wild is an awesome DVD
$2 blow jobs
Even though you may end up with less stuff, they can get your entire house moved in 2 hours
They show the children what they can become if they don't do their homework
For $2 they will watch your car while you are in the club, for $5 they will build a brick wall around it and hire a pitbull
Thank You
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Man Law Monday
4/20 Edition
No man can look into another man's eyes while licking the blunt shut
No man can ask another man to teach him to blow "smoke holes"
No man can text another man: Happy 420 :-P
No man can stick an entire cigar in his mouth to produce wetness
No man can tell another man "I feel comfortable smoking around you"
No man can smoke out of a pipe that is long, hard, and has a tiny hole on one end with a round bulb on the other
No man can blow another man a shotgun
No two men can get high and say "Ay man, we should go swimming"
No man can get high and discuss his love life with another man
No man can smoke a blunt with his legs crossed
Thank You
No man can look into another man's eyes while licking the blunt shut
No man can ask another man to teach him to blow "smoke holes"
No man can text another man: Happy 420 :-P
No man can stick an entire cigar in his mouth to produce wetness
No man can tell another man "I feel comfortable smoking around you"
No man can smoke out of a pipe that is long, hard, and has a tiny hole on one end with a round bulb on the other
No man can blow another man a shotgun
No two men can get high and say "Ay man, we should go swimming"
No man can get high and discuss his love life with another man
No man can smoke a blunt with his legs crossed
Thank You
Friday, April 17, 2009
You Know You are in the Black Mall When...
Welcome Back...did ya miss me?? This isn't You Know You Are a Redneck When...its You Know You are in the Black Mall When...Enjoy!
You know you are in the Black Mall when
The mannequins have fat asses
There is a 50 year old man purchasing an M&M's Nascar Jacket
You have to leave your bags at the front of every store
There are security tags on every single White Tee
There are no morning Mall Walkers
There are off-brand stores in the FoodCourt, ie T's Fried Fish and More
There is a kiosk that specializes in belts
There are no bookstores (sad but true)
Every girl that walks by sounds like they are carrying bags full of change
There is a dude in the parking lot trying to give you a better deal than what's in the mall
You see a herringbone
IF YOU ARE IN GBORO FOR AGGIEFEST ROCK W/ YA BOY AT THE STEPSHOW TOMORROW NIGHT!!! AFTER THE SHOW IS THE AFTERPARTY AND, AFTER THE PARTY IT'S THE HOTEL LOBBY THEN, AFTER THE LOBBY THEN I'M PROLLY SLEEP, AND WHEN I WAKE UP I'M A PROLLY EAT!!!
You know you are in the Black Mall when
The mannequins have fat asses
There is a 50 year old man purchasing an M&M's Nascar Jacket
You have to leave your bags at the front of every store
There are security tags on every single White Tee
There are no morning Mall Walkers
There are off-brand stores in the FoodCourt, ie T's Fried Fish and More
There is a kiosk that specializes in belts
There are no bookstores (sad but true)
Every girl that walks by sounds like they are carrying bags full of change
There is a dude in the parking lot trying to give you a better deal than what's in the mall
You see a herringbone
IF YOU ARE IN GBORO FOR AGGIEFEST ROCK W/ YA BOY AT THE STEPSHOW TOMORROW NIGHT!!! AFTER THE SHOW IS THE AFTERPARTY AND, AFTER THE PARTY IT'S THE HOTEL LOBBY THEN, AFTER THE LOBBY THEN I'M PROLLY SLEEP, AND WHEN I WAKE UP I'M A PROLLY EAT!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Man Law Monday
No 2 men can ride in a 2 seater convertible
No man can use Sweet and Low
No man can purchase shoestrings that match his outfit
No man can wear sterling silver
No man can wonder if condoms can be recycled
No man can have a birthday cake after the age of 12
No man can be on the "Subway and Jarrett" diet
No man should have an argument with a woman via text and use ALL CAPS
No man can still wear a G-Unit wife beater
No man can tell other men to "follow him on Twitter"
Thank You
No man can use Sweet and Low
No man can purchase shoestrings that match his outfit
No man can wear sterling silver
No man can wonder if condoms can be recycled
No man can have a birthday cake after the age of 12
No man can be on the "Subway and Jarrett" diet
No man should have an argument with a woman via text and use ALL CAPS
No man can still wear a G-Unit wife beater
No man can tell other men to "follow him on Twitter"
Thank You
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
10 Most Awesome Things in the World in My Eyes
This list I have compiled are the 10 Most Awesome Things in the World in my eyes. Enjoy!
1) The creator of volleyball uniforms
2) Titties
3) The first person that thought it was a good idea to put your balls by the jet stream in the jacuzzi
4) Ladies night
5) The 8 minutes of footage after Halle Berry says, "Make me feel good" in Monster's Ball
6) The reaction of the first father that had to hear his only son ask, "Daddy, can you drive me to dance practice?"
7) Boyshorts
8) Baby Oil Gel on a stripper
9) Bubblegum Blunt Power
10) Knowing that to keep a man like Obama, Michelle's head game has got to be the most vicious on the Soutside of Chicago
Thank You
1) The creator of volleyball uniforms
2) Titties
3) The first person that thought it was a good idea to put your balls by the jet stream in the jacuzzi
4) Ladies night
5) The 8 minutes of footage after Halle Berry says, "Make me feel good" in Monster's Ball
6) The reaction of the first father that had to hear his only son ask, "Daddy, can you drive me to dance practice?"
7) Boyshorts
8) Baby Oil Gel on a stripper
9) Bubblegum Blunt Power
10) Knowing that to keep a man like Obama, Michelle's head game has got to be the most vicious on the Soutside of Chicago
Thank You
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Man Law Monday
No man can purchase fruit cocktail
No man can put on his hazard lights in the rain
No man can leave the top 3 buttons on his shirt unbuttoned
No man can be nervous about meeting another man
No man can get his feet pumiced
No man can have a favorite pair of drawers
No man can bring another man a magnet back from vacation
No man can request a special cake for his birthday
No man can request extra jelly
No man can pee through the hole in his tighty whities
No man can put on his hazard lights in the rain
No man can leave the top 3 buttons on his shirt unbuttoned
No man can be nervous about meeting another man
No man can get his feet pumiced
No man can have a favorite pair of drawers
No man can bring another man a magnet back from vacation
No man can request a special cake for his birthday
No man can request extra jelly
No man can pee through the hole in his tighty whities
Friday, April 3, 2009
Most Inappropriate Things to Think in Church
This one right here may be my letter of intent to sign a full scholarship for hell...but oh well...doin it for yall! This one is entitled
Most Inappropriate Things to Think in Church
"Damn Pastor's wife got a big ass, and that limp is kinda sexy"
"Why they let this retarded boy do the same speech every Easter, he's 29 now"
"Damn, Mrs. Gynn breath smells like Holy Shit mixed with a sweaty choir robe"
"Church long as hell, soon as I get home ima put in that new Bootytalk joint and go Ham!"
"Did that Usher just touch my ass when she showed me to my seat?"
"Look at her up there in the choir, them lungs are strong because I swear she didnt come up for air on my meat last night"
"Damn, Deacon Smith needs to stop coming to church, he looks like he's about to die in 5 minutes"
"Did I take my Chlamydia pill this morning?"
"The Minister of Music is about to give us diabetes he is so sweet, ugggh"
"I wonder if Jesus was fuckin"
Thank You
Most Inappropriate Things to Think in Church
"Damn Pastor's wife got a big ass, and that limp is kinda sexy"
"Why they let this retarded boy do the same speech every Easter, he's 29 now"
"Damn, Mrs. Gynn breath smells like Holy Shit mixed with a sweaty choir robe"
"Church long as hell, soon as I get home ima put in that new Bootytalk joint and go Ham!"
"Did that Usher just touch my ass when she showed me to my seat?"
"Look at her up there in the choir, them lungs are strong because I swear she didnt come up for air on my meat last night"
"Damn, Deacon Smith needs to stop coming to church, he looks like he's about to die in 5 minutes"
"Did I take my Chlamydia pill this morning?"
"The Minister of Music is about to give us diabetes he is so sweet, ugggh"
"I wonder if Jesus was fuckin"
Thank You
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