Friday, January 30, 2009

My Favorite Ni99az un the Whole Wide World

This goes out to all my favorite Ni99as in the world. A Ni99a comes in all colors, ages, genders, and backgrounds. These are just the ones that we all know and love. Enjoy

Da Ni99a dat feels like he has to talk to everyone on speaker phone no matter who is around

Da Ni99a dat pays for everything with a bag of change

Da Ni99a dat is always drunk and fed up with the stuck up women in the clubs You: "Man what's wrong w/ you? MFN: "Man I'm tired of these greedy ass chicks that come to the club and only want a baller, I asked her did she want me to buy her a drink, and she talkin bout 'nah I can't right now I'm with child, Bitch I aint buyin 2 damn drinks!!!

Da Ni99a dat does crack but always manages to get his hands on the newest shit

Da Ni99a dat works at the Black Wendy's that get's mad at you for ordering a "Special Made Sandwich"

Da Ni99a dat always has the New Jordans on but won't pay the $10 cover charge at the bar

Da Ni99a dat gets mad at old people when they walk to slow in front of them

Da Ni99a dat has sex w/ 3 different chicks a week but gets mad at his main chick for having too many male friends on MySpace

Da Ni99a dat was singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T hard as hell in the club, but waited 30 minutes to get in free, waited 20 minutes to get a free drink, then left and got smashed for 10 guessed it...for free

Da Ni99a dat no matter what, always has a story that tops the one you just told. You: "Man I knew this dude back in college that jumped off the 2nd floor on campus into the pool, shit was crazy" MFN: Shiiiiiiit, I know this dude that could jump so high, I saw him grab a squirrel out a tree, on my momma!"

Friday, January 23, 2009


You know what time it is...Comedy Corner time...enjoy and comment. New Day...same me! I just decided to write about some things I find funny in life.

How a stripper will wipe down the pole with alcohol but will let people throw dirty dollar bills right on their cooch!

How white men won't wash their hands in the bathroom but always want to shake hands when they meet you

How the response to a chick saying, "I'm on my period" used to be "Damn", when you get older the response is "Is it light or heavy?"

How Waffle House took advantage of the fact that poor people eat breakfast at all hours of the day. When was the last time you saw a nice car in the parking lot? I'll wait...

How a chick will get mad when you bust in their mouth, Her: "I said tell me when you are bout to cum. You: "I said...ahhhhhhh!!!"

How they found somebody in NOTORIOUS that looks just like Craig Mack

How older women keep their Carpel Tunnels brace on during sex like, "You goin bowlin after this or somethin?"

How little kids want to come up to you and show you their coloring book, and I'm like, "Man...this shit is gahhhhhbage, you all outside the lines and shit, you need to start over fam!"

How a homeless man can ask for money when he has on an iPod, "Yo, you can sell that and eat for a month"

How some girls still buy Apple Bottom Jeans when they should probably go cop them new Watermelon Bottom Jeans

How if somebody's car breaks down in front of you, you choose to curse them out instead of help!

How some chicks come to the club thinkin they fly and still have baby powder residue in the middle of their chest

How you are reading this at work/library/lab trying not to laugh out loud

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can wear jeans or dress pants that dont come with belt loops

No man can wear a thumb ring

No man can have his name tattoed in cursive on his arm

No man can throw another man a surprise party

No man can ask another man to help him choose what to wear

No man that wasnt a pimp in the late 70's can own pink socks

No man can use the shampoo bottle for a microphone while singing in the shower

No man can be on Weight Watchers

No man can set his alarm so that he doesnt miss Oprah

No man can giggle when water splashes in your butt while taking a shit

Thank you

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Education

So I got an idea for a segment from my good friend
(Good lookin Natalie Naomi Robinson, Someone reported her website so I cant plug it, hit her up and she will direct you) telling me to do something to help educate chicks on what we like, dislike, and some other interesting things you may not know about the male species. But you know I'm a little different, so check it out. Fellas don't be too mad I'm giving away some secrets, Ladies ask questions and I will try and answer this time. Comment if ya dig!

Ladies, our testicular area is the warmest part of our body, thats why our hands are always down there, its like holding on to some fresh baked cookies

Ladies, Porn Head (Ex: Slobbing, spitting, noisemaking) makes our joints 2 inches longer
Ladies, we dont ever want to be compared to the last dude, if he was doing so much for you, lets bring his ass back so he can help the both of us out

Ladies, we know we stink after workin out or playin ball A) no need to tell us how we smell B) no need to put your nose up to our clothes and shit like it may smell better the closer it gets to your face

Ladies, saying anything during sex that you heard in a porn movie will make us cum fast. You say, "Don't stop, harder, harder", we hear "Gone head and bust dat nut bruh"

Ladies, we will say yes to anything...if you say it from your knees with a mouth full of children

Ladies, please floss

Ladies, we like going to the strip club because them hoes dont care...and that's should try it some time

Ladies, we dont care which dress you stop asking...our real answer is the one that comes off the easiest

Ladies, we are all for the comfortable attire when kickin it around the house, but the more you come to bed looking like a FULL BAG OF CHIPS, the less likely we are to eat you, "Bet I can eat just one!"

Thank You

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Man Law Monday

No man can have a toothy smile while taking a bathroom picture

No man can go out with his clique to the club when all of them have shades on

No man can pull up his shirt sleeve with his teeth

No man can say the phrase..."Ssstop lyyyyyin"

No man can talk to another man while both are at the urinal

No man can stand dick to butt in the club no matter the capacity

No man can say the phrase..."I already got my whole outfit laid out"

No man can say I have to take a Number 1

No man can know the name of his local Chinese Nail Technician

No man can sing the $5 Footlong son


Who remembers putting cups in the cupboard upside down to keep the roaches out?

What the fuck is that bitch MIA talkin about on Paper Planes? (Pirates, Skulls, and Bones??)

When is Plies gonna come out and admit that he is Kirk Franklin w/ a grill?

Where are all of the baby pigeons?

Why did you used to have friends that smelled like their house? You know that gentle mix of arms, cheetos, earring backs, and hotdog water?

Who still wears valour suits?

What was the nigga that invented male thongs thinking? "Yea and that part right there goes directly in your ass...yea, dat part right dere!"

When are black people gonna stop paying for shit that costs more than $5 with all change?

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? And where does this bitch get all this money for travel in this economy?

Why was JJ from Goodtimes living in poverty, but decided to take up such an expensive hobby as painting? Probably could've used some of that money to buy shit that mattered, like food, and turtlenecks.